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Top 10 Causes of Death in the United States: In Limerick Form

#1: Heart Disease

There once was a megalomaniac

Who suffered a sudden heart-attack

He thought himself best

But failed the stress test

Vanquished by coronary plaque



A man once had hypertension

His vessels protesting in distention

He simply couldn’t halt

His intake of salt

Not for long, he’ll collect his pension


#2: Cancer

There once was a beautiful dancer

Who suffered from a bad case of cancer

She searched for a cure

But could not endure

     Her tissue’s home: a histology fancier

     When the grim reaper came to romance her


#3: Chronic Lower Respiratory Disease

A young lad once inhaled a miasma

Which exacerbated his terrible asthma

“My inhaler!” He wheezed,

“It’s so difficult to breathe!”

     I’m not ready to depart for nirvana!

     I’d rather have nosocomial mycoplasma!

#4: Accidents

Buckle up! The signs all proclaimed

Better safe, than horribly maimed

But he thought himself too cool

To obey that ground rule

His life, that accident did claim
 

#5: Stroke

A woman once suffered a stroke

Alas, the poor woman was broke!

But thanks to the ACA

To the doctor she shashay’d

And prevented a premature croak


#6: Alzheimer’s

With Alzheimer’s one becomes quite forgetful

This loss of memory, regretful

I’ll never surrender!

Your face, I’ll remember!

This ordeal, for all, is quite dreadful



#7: Diabetes

There was a mother with diabetes

Whose proximal cause was a fetus

It ate donuts all night

And put up quite the fight

Before it would come out and meet us


#8: Influenza/Pneumonia

An insufferable brat got the flu

His nose, constantly he blew

He refused the vaccine

Blame the lying silver screen

Paul Offit would say “Deja vu”



Influenza is quite the deadly virus

To infect mucosa, it is desirous

Either through genetic drift

Or its evil cousin shift

The epidemic or pandemic may be disastrous


#9: Kidney Disease

Alas, my kidneys are failing

The quantity of urine is waning

Creatinine rising

Transplant list, scrutinizing

Dialysis, my life is maintaining


#10: Suicide

A dark cloud has hung for so long

I’ve tried so hard to stay strong

Life’s not worth living

This existence, unforgiving

Sometimes silence is sweeter than song